You Are Not Alone: A Note to Pandemic Caregivers
It’s the late 1980s and I’m volunteering in the ICU. A nurse, Lorraine, has asked me to accompany her to the room of a patient whose family has decided to remove life support.
She instructs me to hold the hand of this young man — diagnosed with brain death following an accident — while she sets about her task, speaking to him the entire time:
“Your family loves you very much and wishes they could be here today, James. Krista and I are right here with you. You might feel some changes with your breathing and some other changes in your body. Don’t be afraid. You are not alone.”
That day, Lorraine taught me a powerful lesson by demonstrating a provider’s role in preserving dignity in death. I am grateful to have been a witness to her incredible act of compassion. I’ve thought of that day often throughout my career, and even more during this harrowing year.
I’ve been thinking of the caregivers in rooms across this nation and across the globe, playing the role of Lorraine — being asked to summon resolve and compassion in the face of tragedy again and again. These extraordinary acts of grace will go largely unwitnessed and unacknowledged.
I’ve thought of you too, dear friends and colleagues, being called upon to hold space and preserve dignity for patients experiencing other kinds of death: The death of “normalcy,” the sudden loss of support systems, the grief of systemic racial injustice.
And I’d like to say — to all the healers burning the candle at both ends to make sure your patients feel seen — I see you. I see you struggling to navigate these times as a person and a provider. I see you learning how to best transmit that healing human connection through a wifi connection. I see you, and I join you, in this delicate dance between exhaustion and hope.
But I do have hope. I am hopeful that all of this suffering won’t be for naught. That we, as a society will come out the other side of this dark night of the soul: having grown in vulnerability; recognizing our innate adaptability; and with renewed respect for community, truth, science, and the people and professions who usher us through our most challenging times with dignity.
So as we cautiously embark upon the year ahead, my message is a simple one: You are not alone.
